Above the water
by Solitairethegame
Summary: Holtz decides Angel deserves some company while in his underwater coffin, his son.
1. Chapter 1

Angel turned to face his now conscious son, it had been some time since he had woken to find themselves in the underwater crate after being ambushed by Holtz and a female. He mentally kicked himself for allowing himself to be captured by such an old man but he had let his guard down while waiting for Cordelia to show and paid the price.

As he waited for his son to speak he noticed two things; first was that on his child's neck was two burnt marks that no doubt were from the tazer that helped take him out. It angered him to think of Holtz betraying the child he had raised as his own and at the same time his heart broke for his child. How would he handle giving trust to anyone after the one person he truly trusted left him to suffocate with the man he had convinced all his childhood was evil.

Second he noticed his sons fists, white knuckled, clenched together with obvious anger. His face on the other hand betrayed no emotion, as calm as though he were sleeping. "Don't you want to ask?" for a moment while asking his face contorted with anger before returning calm. Like a tsunami the anger came suddenly before dissipating into it's original state

Angel was taken aback by the question. Was he angry at Holtz for orchestrating the events? At himself or Angel for being taken captive? He certainly didn't hold his son responsible for the events. Since he was just as trapped and even if only he had been trapped he knew he could never remain angry at his son for believing the lies that Holtz had woven while raising his child. He was after all the only person Connor had to rely on not that he had ever wanted it to be that way

"I didn't know he had planned this. I thought the plan was to kill you." Connor paused, his face beginning to show signs of anger "Now I just want to kill him." His first balled up tighter driving nails hard into his flesh, drawing blood.

Angel turned away from his son to stare at the glass door keeping the ocean from them and their freedom. "It's not your fault son." It was meant to comfort his child but seemed to do the opposite. Connor suddenly rolled over closing the small space between them as his face came inches away from his father.

"Then whose fault is it?!" He asked, his voice becoming louder as his chest began to rise and fall faster. "Is it you? Or Holtz? At what point do I take the blame?"At the last question Connor reached out to his father, gripping him by his right arm. Angel looked down at his son's hand gripping his arm, shaking and became worried. With the limited oxygen and Connor's heavy breathing he wondered how long before his son passed out and then.

"How could it be your fault?" Angel asked his voice low and soothing. "I should have seen this coming." His son replied, his voice becoming a whisper as he held back tears. "Holtz used to tell me that he was the only one that ever wanted me but he was lying. Nobody wants me." With the last words his voice cracked and tears spilled down his face.

It was torture for Angel to have his son so close and not be able to hold him. The small space didn't allow him to roll over and comfort his child as he lay inches from him. His son's words also bothered him. He knew after such a betrayal that trusting would be hard. However that he though no one wanted him.

Connor suddenly inhaled through clenched teeth, the noise filled the small space before he began to kick the glass door. With each thud of his foot against the top his frustration seemed to grow until he began to use his fists, pounding with all his strength.

It took some time before Angel realized his son wasn't trying to escape but was throwing a tantrum. Although there was the time difference he hadn't been able to figure out how many years had passed by for his son. Based on how he looked physically he had estimated his age at about sixteen or seventeen. Then again physical age didn't always equate with emotional age.

Angel decided not to stop his son from acting out his anger. If anything he was slightly relieved to watch it unfold. For too long he had witnessed his son appear stoic aside from their slight banter outside the club. For himself keeping composure was part of his non life but not something he wanted for his child.

After some time Connor appeared to run out of steam. His shoulder began to sag while his feet remained still. The only part of him still tense was his balled up fists which slightly shook as he lowered his head into his chest and silently cried.

With the small space it took some maneuvering for Angel to raise his arm without touching his son. Not that he was paying attention before Angel placed his forearm under his childs head to bring him into his chest for a hug. Although he meant for the action to feel comforting there was some resistance. Connor stiffened at the touch and refused to allow his body to relax even as his head rested against his fathers chest.

Even without his body completely relaxed Connor continued to cry silently, his breathing only stopping when he needed to inhale through his mouth. All the while Angel held him and tried not to think about how without help it could be their final moments together. He needed to tell his son so much and yet he didn't know where to start.

His attention was drawn from his thoughts when he felt warmth touch his chest and saw that Connor had balled up a piece of his black shirt in his fist and appeared to have fallen asleep. His breathing came out as ragged while he breathed through his nose. Angel held his son closer placing his chin atop his child's head, breathing in his scent. He knew that the smell coming from him meant that he needed a bath with plenty of soap.


	2. Chapter 2

Cordelia paced the lobby of the Hyperion waiting anxiously for Gun to return after searching for Angel and Connor near the area where they were supposed to meet. She had waited two hours for his arrival and before calling the hotel had discovered that he hadn't returned. Not only that but after deciding to look for Angel that Connor was no longer in his bedroom.

She didn't want to think that Connor would be involved however that both were missing she found to be a little hard to swallow. The young man showed a lot of animosity toward not only Angel but all creatures non human which caused her mind to worry.

She didn't think Angel would allow himself to be killed by his son. No matter how strong his child was Angel had more experience and as he had explained to her. "Connor allows himself to be controlled by his hatred for me. It makes his moments predictable and miscalculated."

All the while she paced Fred sat Indian style watching in silence. She couldn't think of anything to say. She knew how important the meeting was for the two since it would be the first time they acknowledged their feeling for one another. All she wanted was for both of them to be happy.

Although she could tell Cordelia was willing to question whether or not Connor was involved with Angel not appearing. She knew that Gun had already made up his mind. After Cordelia had called, slightly annoyed but all the same worried. Asking about Angel being at the hotel.

Fred had thought just before the phone call that they would be talking about a future together and was confused that Angel hadn't arrived since he definitely wasn't at the hotel. Once she had promised Cordelia she would call her back she went to find Gun.

He was sitting in the lobby waiting for Angel and Cordelia to return. His attention turned to her obviously noticing her worried state. "What's wrong?" He asked standing up and moving toward her in a comforting way. "Angel hasn't shown up yet."

"You don't think he got cold feet?" Gun asked. Fred moved back, horrified. "This isn't funny." He let out a small laughter and hugged Fred, her arms still crossed. she wasn't in the mood for jokes. "I'll wake Connor and go looking for him. He's probably out saving the world or something. He kissed Fred on the forehead before climbing the staircase to where Connor was.

She wanted to believe in that moment that any minute Gun and Connor would come down the staircase and go looking for Angel, only to find out that he really was just late, Cordelia would call back, they would have a good laugh over it and then go have ice cream.

But that was just a small part of her. The exact same part of her that tried to convince her that she hadn't really spent a chunk of her life in a dimension for demons or that Wesley would betray and take baby Connor. She sometimes really wanted to listen to that part but reality was something her logical mind could never deny.

Especially as Gun flew down the stairs, his face etched with anger. He walked passed her toward the weapon cabinet and removed his favorite ax. "Call Cordy and tell her it's time to worry. Connor isn't in his room and yes that does mean he's involved."

"Maybe I should try calling Gun?" Fred offered moving toward the telephone. The silence was starting to become unbearable for her plus she had begun to worry about Gun. It made her think about Wesley, what would he do? If he were there? If he hadn't?

The doors to the hotel swung open and Gun jogged in, alone. Cordelia stopped pacing and waited." "There was definitely a fight but no sign of either of them. I'd bet anything that Connor is involved and if he is then Holtz is too."

"Then we find Holtz and force the information out of him." Cordelia concluded. "It's three versus one and," Fred made a noise that made it apparent she didn't agree. "Okay maybe two and a half but those are still good odds. I may have never been good a math but these numbers make sense."

"And how exactly are we going to find them? Since they are involved it's not like their going to be in the last place we found them. And without Angel to follow the scent." "We don't need Angel." Cordelia moved toward Gun, crossing her arms over her chest in an authoritative way.

"Holtz kills vampires and who else kills vampires? Your friends. Obviously you still keep in touch with a few of them. Ask around and see if they've seen an old man dusting some vamps. I'm sure it's something they'd remember seeing. In the meantime me and Fred will check with some of the demons we've worked with in the past to see if they have any info on where Holtz might be."

Cordelia turned suddenly and helped Fred off the floor from where she was sitting. Turning only when she realized Gun hadn't moved. "What are you waiting for?" She asked. She made a motioning gesture with her had for him to get going before pulling Fred along by the hand while half listening to Gun leave the hotel, grumbling something along the lines of "bossy much?" She chose to ignore him. If she needed to be bossy to get Angel and Connor back then she would be.


	3. Chapter 3

Angel didn't know how long it had taken him to fall asleep, he only knew that in a deep state of slumber he felt his son resting on his arm, stir in his sleep. It wasn't enough movement to wake him, initially. Not until Connor suddenly jerked upright hitting his head against the box lid.

The noise from Connor hitting his head jolted Angel awake. He turned his head slowly, stiff from lack of movement. To find his son holding his head between his arms in obvious pain. He reached his hand and placed it atop the young man.

As soon as his hand made contact Connor seemed to forget about his pain and instead began to stare at Angel as though he had forgotten the vampire was there. "Bad dream?" Angel asked trying to snap his son out of his daze. Not that he was much of an early riser. Or was it night? Evening?

"Just a memory." Connor finally answered, his voice strangely quiet. Perhaps from too much crying, Angel wondered? He removed his hand from where it had been resting on his son and placed it onto his chest, lacing it together with his other hand.

After watching Angel closely as he moved his hand away Connor finally released his grip on his head and moved his arms so they were crossed over his chest. Although his son had been relaxed in his sleep once awake he returned to his rigid state.

"Are you alright?" Angel asked. He felt disappointed that his son had chosen to move away from him after sleeping so close. Connor mutely nodded his head, seemingly distracted. "It's okay to be upset. It's as normal as."Breathing he almost added only to decide against. He didn't need to be the reminder of how inhuman he was or that in such tight containment his son might breathe his last breath.

"Were you upset? When I was taken." Once again his voice came out quiet while his eyes remained transfixed on the lid. Angel turned his face toward his son to gauge his reaction "I was very upset. It nearly destroyed me to know that you were possibly hurt or in any kind of pain. I have always only wanted what is best for you."

Despite pouring his heart out Connor seemed to barely register anything spoken until he spoke. "And why exactly did this happen?" He jaw clenched as he asked what Angel was waiting to answer. "I had a friend. His name was Wesley. He cared about you as much as I and the others did which is why when he thought you were in danger he took you away only to have Holtz take you."

Connor rolled onto his side to stare back at Angel. "So even someone you considered a friend didn't trust you and now here I am stuck in a box with you." The venom came out of Angel before he had a chance to stop himself. "He made a mistake and so did you."

This time Connor did react. His face seemed crestfallen and Angel immediately felt regret from his words as his son returned to laying on his back his head turned away from Angel. "I'm sorry." Angel whispered "It's fine." Connor replied in a voice that made it obvious that it was anything but fine.

"It's only a matter of time before I starve to death or maybe you'll jut take a bite out of me." "I would never and will never harm you and besides your more than likely to suffocate first." After the last words Angel began to seriously mentally kick himself.

The silence that followed the outburst was palpable leading Angel to consider the words he had spoken. He didn't want his anger to control him, to lead him to say anything that would permanently skewer his child's view of him. It was however just too easy for him to say the wrong thing especially since the view his son had was already quite distorted.

He couldn't help but wonder if it was his hunger getting to him. He was used to about three meals a day since that was what Cordelia had gotten him used to, the others as well. By himself he usually ate when he was hungry but since becoming a part of a team he preferred to eat at the same time as them in order to stay on the same page.

Thinking about Cordelia and the others he couldn't help but wonder how long she had waited for him and what her reaction was to his absence. Did she cry? Just get Angry? He knew there had to have been signs of a struggle from where Holtz and the female had ambushed him but doubted highly the clues would lead to him being tossed in a crate into the ocean.

Finally his son. He knew they would notice Connor missing since they would want his help searching for him which meant the road would eventually lead back to Holtz. Although he knew the man as a strong vampire hunter that was years ago. He had seen with his own eyes how much time had taken a toll on him.

He sighed to himself not for any other reason that it just seemed to make a little bit of sense. At the hotel when he confronted the old man he had wanted only answers and just a little part of him screamed to break his neck. There was however what appeared to be a changed man.

He claimed to regret taking Connor away and vowed to make it right by telling his son as much. He promised that after convincing the boy of his mistakes that he would leave Los Angeles leaving Connor to Angel, to raise as it should have been. It had all appeared too good to be true and in the end it was.


	4. Chapter 4

There had been, for a while a very strong sense of urgency but with dead end leads, information that didn't check out and the general stress from not getting a full nights sleep. Tempers were starting to flare.

For Cordelia who had taken to sleeping at the hotel, if only for a few moments in between making phone calls and reading through possible leads. It was the tapping that Fred made. Sure it was harmless enough, a reaction to the stress not doubt. However after what had seemed like ten or so minutes, had gotten old.

"Fred," Cordelia whispered, trying to keep her voice calm and even as to not startle the smaller woman laying on her belly, one hand holding a book down while the other tapped the pencil against the side of her face. "maybe you could?" She pointed toward the pencil.

"Oh," Fred let out a small laugh as she stopped tapping the pencil. "you know me, I tap while I think kind of like a metronome, while you play the piano or maybe something else that involves tempo, like a choir. You know I used to sing with a group. A part of my church, I was never any good so they always put me in the back but my dad has lots of pictures."

Her face began to lose enthusiasm as though she had ran out of steam or the glare Cordelia was sending to her had finally sunken in, despite the fact half her attention was still on the opened book in front of her.

Cordelia sighed heavily and placed her forehead against the desk as she realized that despite trying not to seem angry she had clearly failed at it. It was the lack of sleep, she told herself making a mental note to make it up to Fred by taking her shopping.

While keeping her head down Cordelia didn't notice until being woken up by Fred, gently shaking her shoulder that she had even fallen asleep. She opened her eyes and stretched back in her chair as Fred did the same thing, aside from standing up.

"I don't even know or care to know how long it's been." Cordelia whispered, still trying to rub her eyes in an attempt to jump start her body into waking up, despite how her eyelids seemed to have dumbbells attached to them.

Still standing behind her, Fred replied "Four days." That was it. Cordelia ran her fingers through her hair before leaving them on either side of her head, eyes lowered while she focused on breathing and not crying. It had been easy the first day to keep her hopes up, but before long the sun had set on the the second then third day.

"It's going to be fine." Fred placed her hand on Cordelia's shoulder, giving it a squeeze of reassurance, similar to what had been done for her in the past when she had been worrying. "I'm sure that any minute Gun will come through the front doors and have lots of information that will lead to Angel and he'll be fine and you'll go on your date."

Cordelia nodded her head, then stood up and wrapped her arms around Fred in a much needed hug and began to cry silently, as the tears streamed down the sides of her face. Before long however Fred began to cry. "Don't cry." "I'll stop crying when you stop crying." Cordelia retorted, her tears finally stopping as she slowly began to release Fred she became aware of noise in the lobby.

Glancing at one another to ensure they had both heard the door opening, Cordelia led the way. The two women found Gun standing quietly, alone. He looked at them, without saying a word as though carefully choosing his next words.

"We have a woman that was spotted hanging around Holtz. According to her, she can lead us to where Angel and Connor are." Once the words were out Gun watched as Fred and Cordelia both began to celebrate, jumping up and hugging each other. It was almost perfect.

"Wait a minute." Cordelia no longer appeared joyful and instead seemed confused. "Why haven't you gotten them yet? Why come back here? And what do you mean by, we?" All at once it seemed the joy had disappear from her face, replaced by grave concern.

Gun nodded his head as though just realizing he should elaborate the situation. "It was Wesley. He caught the female and met up with me since he needed the help. "It's-" His face wavered as he thought back to where Wesley had promised they would find Angel and Connor.

"Both of them are in a coffin." Gun looked down toward his feet to avoid watching Cordelia and Fred's reaction to the news. He knew how hard both of them had been working to get Angel and Connor back home safe.

"Where?" Distracted Gun slowly looked up from his feet to find Fred staring at him, one hand holding onto his shirt. Suddenly his throat seemed dry and his feet as though led had been attached to them. "It's a coffin. In the Ocean."

"There isn't any way." Fred whispered. "That Connor could have survived four days without oxygen." She released her grip of Gun and lowered her hand to her side. "Even if it had been a really big coffin. Which I don't know why it would be really big since it only needed to fit two people."

Gun wanted to comfort he girlfriend by telling her that everything would be alright but at the same time he didn't have the heart to lie to her. When Wesley had approached him with the news of how Angel and Connor had been taken by Holtz and left in a coffin, in the ocean. He knew that Connor couldn't have survived.


	5. Chapter 5

Cordelia shivered, pulling her jacket tighter around her chest as she tore her gaze from the dark ocean and tried not to think about Angel and Connor beneath the waves. Without the moon however she found it difficult to stare and before long her gaze drifted back to the main area of the boat where three large lights bathed the front of the boat in light.

After Gun had informed her and Fred of where to find her missing boss and son, as well as allowed it all to sink in. Wesley had joined them in the Hyperion lobby, his handcuffed captive in tow. She had spoken with an obvious edge in her voice. As though she had thought the real injustice was not that she had been taken against her will but that she had been asked to help out someone she obviously hated.

"So you're the one that fell in love with a vampire. How disgusting, that you can actually stand to kiss something like that." Justine's words had been like a swift kick to the stomach after a hard punch to the face. Not that she needed anyone's permission or approval to feel the way she felt.

After gathering supplies; blood for Angel, tools for the hauling up the coffin as well as opening it. And some weapons, just in case. They had all taken a spot on the boat to wait for the area where Justine had promised to find the coffin.

Gun stood near Fred, his arm wrapped protectively around her for support both emotionally and physically. Since coming to the realization that rescue didn't actually mean that they would be safe. It had taken it's toll on Fred. She had been angry at Connor but never enough to wish death upon him.

As Fred watched Cordelia standing by herself, she debated on whether or not to go over to her. She felt useless not doing anything but at the same time she felt there was no energy left inside of her to do anything.

Raising her hand to her face Fred tried not to bite her nails as she felt her stomach move around like clothes in a washing machine. Everything seemed to tumble around she intently watched Wesley and Justine moving around, speaking about the exact location of the coffin.

"I cant stand it," Fred whispered. Her voice only heard by Gun, above the noise of the boat against the waves "I know what you mean. The waiting is always worse than what your actually waiting for" Gun replied. "How can that be? When we have to see the effect after four days. What if Angel had to?" She couldn't finish the sentence.

The boat stopped slowly, coming to a halt in what seemed like nowhere in particular, without any landmarks to be seen. Wesley grabbed Justine and led her toward Gun and Fred. Although she was still handcuffed he didn't want her moving around the boat without supervision.

Placing Justine in front of Gun, Wesley glanced at the taller man. There had been a time when the two had trusted each other without a doubt. However after stealing baby Connor, he had lost his place amongst Gun and his friends. Even if it had been out of concern, that he hadn't shared his findings with the others made it made it appear that that trust truly hadn't been there.

Gun took a step toward Wesley, moving past Justine as though she hadn't even been there "I'm helping you." "Does anybody care?" Justine asked "That I'm handcuffed, on a boat which means even if I managed to get overboard that it would drowning." She tried to direct her question more towards the smaller woman since it was obvious there was something going to between the two men and since she had insulted the other female she had decided to avoid her.

"I can watch her." Cordelia volunteered, moving to stand beside Fred so that their arms were touching. "If she tries anything, I'll just give her a shove and watch her sink into the ocean. That way it can be chalked up to karma instead of murder."

In truth Cordelia had been looking for an excuse not to be near the coffin, while it was being opened. It had nothing to do with Angel. She had seen him before while he had been hungry and wasn't frightened with Gun and Wesley with her. It was Connor. Growing up in Sunnydale, followed by her joining Angel investigation, there had been times when she saw those she had grown to care for die. It never made dealing with death easier.

Losing infant Connor and gaining a teenager had been difficult at first, with his obvious anger toward Angel. However after Holtz had promised to leave the young man to his father, as it should have been. There was a general feeling that things could become better. Although Connor still seemed cautions at times, particularly while dealing with technology, no real surprise there. Other time while things were quiet, he did appear a little more relaxed.

"Are you sure?" Cordelia snapped out of her thoughts, taking notice of Gun, his gaze filled with concern. She tried not to focus on how it made her entire body tense with sadness. "Yeah," Cordelia smiled, trying her best for an hundred watt smile, failing short at what seemed like seventy. "we'll be right here."

Glancing back toward Wesley, Gun moved away from the front of the boat, as well as Fred, Cordelia and Justine. "I bet you that brat has already suffocated to death and his monster father, who knows?Maybe he got hungry and used him as a snack?" Justine smiled as she saw how her words caused Fred to wither, her face visibly shaken at the implication of Angel feeding on his son.

Cordelia however remained unnaturally quiet and stone faced. For someone used to her energetic personality, it was unnerving to see her in such a way. Justine took it as a sign that she had gotten to her. Not realizing what she had actually done until Cordelia suddenly moved to stand in front of her, faces barely touching.

"You better start praying that Connor is still alive, because I swear to you that although Angel will hesitate in harming you. I will not. I'll kill you myself." Obviously shaken by the conversation, Fred slowly put her hand to her mouth and began to cry.

"You really don't get it do you? Or maybe you just don't want to? How do you think me and Holtz managed to get them both at the same time? I'll tell you how. Holtz lured Connor with the prospect of killing Angel. Something that is so etched into his mind that it's actually scary. Then we knocked him out. After that it was a matter of getting Angel while he was waiting for you. Which was only possible since Connor told us what was happening himself."

* * *

Solitaire; My very first authors note. I feel very excited since not only have I finally managed to reach the 1k word mark. Something I haven't done since ch.1. But I am also very close to writing the coffin finally being recovered. Which if all goes as planned will be the fifth of July.

I would also like to take this time to thank all those that have taken their time to review this story. I've always been pretty nervous when it comes to letting others read my work so when I got the first review and realized that it was positive. I was elated and have been even more elated with every new review. So thank you; 5-star, nala and guests.


	6. Chapter 6

Along with Wesley, Gun moved toward the back of the boat where the crane was located. It was large and blue with a long length of coiled gray steel cable. The hook attached to the end looked like something used while fishing for great white.

Gun honestly had no idea how they were supposed to bring the coffin up since it was too dark to see and even if it had been bright outside, that would have only meant risking the chance of frying Angel. Something he really didn't want to do. There was also a little bit of hope that Connor would somehow have enough air. Another reason not to waste time.

When it came to Connor, Gun was more than willing to admit how angry he had been after finding out about his involvement. The four days spent looking for Angel, Gun had been under the impression that after finding Holtz that Connor would be with him. After Wesley had brought Justine to him and told him that Connor had betrayed Angel, only to have Holtz and Justine do the same to him.

There had been a little bit of sympathy, knowing that Connor had been betrayed by the one person he had seemed to care about the most. Then again while spending time at the Hyperion, getting to know Angel and his friends. Gun had truly believed that Connor had started to see through the lies that Holtz had told him. Even though he had never spoken about it.

There had been subtle hints, through his behavior, the way he reacted to certain things that seemed reflect the way he had lived his life with Holtz. First was how he always seemed on edge. Not that Gun had taken it as anything strange, at first.

When Gun had first become a member of Angel investigation, it had been hard to accept being near a vampire and he did find himself with a weapon ready, even if it had been subconscious. After time he started to realize that Angel wasn't bad and that in joining him that he had gained a family. Even if it was a little messed up at times. The good usually outshone the bad.

Angel on the other hand seemed to hone in on his son's weariness and obsessively nit picked at it, among other things. "Angel, I am going to tell you for the hundredth time." Gun had exasperated while sitting with the rest of Angel investigation, save for Lorn who had been on tour. "Your son is fine. So he's a little tense from living his life expecting a demon to any minute jump out and and try and kill him. I was like that once, I changed."

Cordelia nodded in agreement. "I remember that. You jumped whenever I snuck up on you and carried your ax around like an extra appendage." Gun raised his eyebrow at the last part but remained quiet after noticing Angel lean his head back to stare up. "I just want him to relax." Angel told the ceiling. "He will," Cordelia promised, placing her hand gently on Angel's shoulder, bringing his attention back to the people around him. "It's just going to take time and we have plenty of it."

A sudden noise brought Gun out of his thoughts as he watched Wesley maneuver the crane into the water. Moving toward the other man, Gun kept his gaze focused on the large hook as it slowly made it's way into the dark water, as though any moment it would bring up the coffin.

Minutes passed by as the crane finally seemed to snag onto something. Gun felt every muscle tense as he crossed his arms tightly across his chest. Resisting the urge to grab hold of the steel cable to get to the coffin that he hoped would be at the end. "Think you've got it?" Gun asked, surprised he could talk with all the tension going through his body.

Wesley didn't reply. Gun noticed his eyes focused on where the hook would appear and the cable as it began to move back toward the boat. Once again he felt the familiar uneasiness come about as his senses heightened. Suddenly the noise from the crane seemed louder as though it would break under the weight of it's catch. The waves also seemed to grow in height adding to tension.

With two pairs of eyes on it, the hook finally breached. Bringing the steel coffin slowly onto the boat and with a loud thud lying it down. Gun moved first toward the coffin, not waiting for the hook to be removed. His hand already gripped onto the power tool he began to remove the bolts holding the lid in place.

Not every bolt seemed as willing to be freed from the lid, however after coming back to some and spending extra time on others, all of the bolts came out. Using all of his weight Gun began to slide the lid, his feet presses against the wall of the boat as he strained his muscles.

Teeth gritted together, there was an initial moment where the lid seemed particularly resistant to movement. After Wesley joined him the lid began to give way, moving off the coffin before falling in an angle so that the right side was still resting against the coffin. It at least allowed them to view into the small area.

Angel was lying closest to them, in the same clothing he had on when he left to meet with Cordelia. He appeared to be sleeping, his face calm. Connor was wedged close to Angel, head resting on his fathers shoulder while Angel's arm coiled beneath his child's arms. There was a definite paleness to both of them.

Gun decided to check on Connor while Wesley remained close to Angel. Pushing the lid aside, it dropped, loudly. Neither in the coffin stirred. Leaning over the side Gun loosened and then removed Angel's arm from Connor. Picking him up wasn't hard, his body was light and seemed somewhat rigid.

Pulling Connor close to him, Gun chose to lay him down near the crane. Once his arms were free he reached to feel for a pulse on his neck. There was none. He checked he wrist like he had seen on television, nothing. There was no feeling of sadness or pain. He had seen it coming.

Moving his attention back toward Angel, Gun joined Wesley in pulling him out of the coffin. His body much heavier took some heaving but they eventually managed to get him into a sitting position against the boat. Not far from his son. Wesley left Gun to pull out blood for Angel while Gun sat with his boss.

Gun wasn't sure if he wanted Angel to wake up. What would he tell the vampire about his son? What were the right words? Sorry but the man that kidnapped your child just got him killed. Wesley reappeared holding a bag of pigs blood which he then held in Angel's face.

After a pause Gun began to shake Angel in an attempt to awaken him. The vampire remained unconscious, his body still leaning against the boat. Handing the blood to Gun, Wesley took a knife out from where it hung on his belt and cut his forearm before holding it for Angel.

Angel's head snapped up as he grabbed hold of Wesley and bit into him, drawing blood. Wesley appeared in pain but said nothing as Angel fed. Gun watched for a while before it was too much for him. He still couldn't really stand watching a vampire feed. Even if it was Angel.

While his gaze was turned Gun felt the pigs blood he was holding, tugged on. His gaze moved to Angel who had released Wesley. Handing over the blood, Gun felt his entire body freeze as Angel asked the one thing he didn't want to answer, "Where is Connor?"


	7. Chapter 7

There had been noise coming from the back of the boat. The crane being lowered and raised, a large thud followed quickly by the sound of a power tool being used. Both Fred and Cordelia decided not to go back for fear of what they would find. Instead they waited for either Gun or Wesley to come get them.

Cordelia stood, keeping watch over Justine, her eyes occasionally wandering over to where the back of the boat, now holding the coffin was laying. Fred sat with her knees drawn her to chest while sitting against the railing of the boat. "How long has it been? Fred asked. Cordelia smiled weakly and took a seat beside Fred. "I thought you were part stop watch."

Fred smiled a little before using the railing to turn her body to face Cordelia, her hands and voice shaking as she spoke. "What if Connor really is dead? When I first realized how he was connected I was really angry. I wanted to punch him and I don't mean just once. Taking him in and getting to know him, while he got to know us. I thought to myself about how this was how it was supposed to be."

"I know." Cordelia replied. In truth however she didn't know. Why Connor had chosen to go back to Holtz for the purpose of killing Angel. Even after all the time they spent together. It was more than just a knock to the gut. More like getting hit by a train while not standing on train tracks.

"I'm surprised a monster like you survived." Justine's words brought Cordelia's attention back to the captive. She had been expecting to see Angel standing not too far away but instead was surprised to find Connor, standing only a few inches from Justine, his left arm gripping onto the railing for obvious support.

The shock from seeing Connor standing brought Cordelia to her feet as she felt relief flooded every inch of her body. Connor was alive, alibi weak from the fact that despite standing, his body moved every so slightly as each wave gently moved the boat. Justine was obliviously not pleased with Connor being alive.

"I bet you feel pretty angry about being played. You had it coming though. Should have just killed Angel when you first arrived. Who knows, then maybe Holtz wouldn't have wanted to get rid of you. It was his idea after all. Said you had gotten soft. Cared too much about Angel despite all the years of him telling you otherwise. Or maybe not since we only managed to capture you on the pretense of killing him."

While Connor remained silent Justine grew louder and more confident. Leaning towards him she asked "Do you have any loyalty, to anyone?" His reaction finally came, as he slowly released his grip from the railing and used his other hand to grab hold of Justine's shoulders for support, causing her to slightly loose her balance against his weight.

Closing the little space between them, Connor moved his face into Justine's, giving her a little smile to reveal how his teeth has changed from human into that of a predator. Like a steel trap his teeth slammed together on her throat. Her eyes wide from the shock of his bite, she attempted to move away from him, only to be stopped by him still gripping her.

A single tear of blood came down Justine's neck as her breathing became labored. Her body began to sag as the minutes passed by. Connor like a cheetah holding an impala, merely stood, waiting. His teeth never going deep enough to draw more blood than a paper cut would cause. Just as it seemed she was ready to loose consciousness, Connor loosened his grip of her throat just enough for her to take a single breath. He then clamped down, harder than the first time. His teeth meeting together inside of her throat.

Connor then pushed her away from him, using the momentum of her falling to take a chunk out of her throat. She fell backward, her head hitting the boat hard enough that blood splattered around her. The only sound that came after Justine hit her head was the gurgling of her trying to breathe. Connor turned his head and spat out the piece of flesh he hand been holding, in his mouth, into the ocean.

Fred and Cordelia watched the scene unfold, neither of them moving. They only watched as Connor grabbed Justine by her ankles and slid her between the railing. After Connor disposed of Justine, Gun came to the front of the boat and stopped in his tracks once he caught sight of Connor on his knees, leaning against the bottom railing, his mouth and shirt covered in blood. "What happened?" He asked, his eyes darting between Fred and Cordelia as well as the pool of blood.

"Where did all the blood come from and where is?" His voice trailed off as the answer formed in his mind." Cordelia was the first to move. Coming to sit beside Connor, she placed a hand on his back. He looked at her, his eyes blue eyes just a bit duller as though they had been drained of color.

Fred joined her boyfriend while Cordelia remained beside Connor. "He killed her." The words coming out felt surreal. Fred had known that Connor wasn't entirely human but only in the sense that he was stronger and could hear, see and smell better. His fighting had always been done using either weapons or his hands or feet. Using his teeth seemed animalistic.

While Angel leaned on Wesley for support, he became the last member of Angel investigation to meet at the front of the boat. Moving away from Wesley, Angel maneuvered himself next to Connor and watched as his child slept against the railing. As he stared, his eyes locked with Cordelia's. She smiled in a tired way that made him sad. The fact that he had made her worry ate away at him. It was however something he had to deal with later. His first priority was his son.

The boat ride back to land had been a quiet one, as all of the passengers were tired. Angel felt himself drift off as the movement of the boat lulled him to sleep. Gun awoke him once land came into view. He then helped him out of the boat. Wesley half carried, half helped Connor. Fred and Cordelia needed no help.

Once back at the hotel Gun helped Angel and then Connor onto the couch in the Hyperion lobby. Gun watched the two while Cordelia went to get some blood for Angel while Fred warmed up some pizza slices for Connor. "You look like hell." Angel commented to Gun, trying his best to make conversation. He could tell from the way Gun and Fred were acting that they were still angry at Connor.

He wasn't going to make them accept his son or forgive him. It was however his decision as to whether or not Connor would end up staying and given his child's state both physically and mentally, there was no way he would allow Connor to leave the hotel.

"I feel like hell. "Gun replied, sending a curt look at Connor who didn't appear aware of the animosity directed at him. Fred and Cordelia finally reappeared with the pizza and blood, not a moment too soon with the stern look Gun had on.

Cordelia handed Angel the mug of blood while Fred hung back holding the plate of pizza, as if unsure of herself. When it did finally become noticeable that Fred hadn't moved, she laughed uncomfortably and mumbled quickly about not getting enough sleep.

Handing the paper plate to Connor she took note of his eyes, glowing a light shade of blue and jumped back sending the plate to the ground. The pizza however managed to land on top of the plate. Gun quickly moved to stand beside Fred "What's wrong?" He asked. Fred looked between him and Connor who picked up a slice of pizza and began eating.

The first piece gone Connor spoke, his voice slightly altered "We were wondering when you'd notice. But don't be frightened, Fred. We aren't here for your body. Why would we? We have Connor." Fred backed away while Gun stood protectively in front of her. Angel as well as Cordelia stared at Connor, shocked.


	8. Chapter 8

There were no words that Angel could speak, his mind had gone blank. He could only watch as his son finished off the last two slices of pizza and then stared down at the empty plate as though willing more pieces to appear. Despite holding the mug of blood in his hands, Angel felt numb and disconnected from his body.

There were too many questions; where had the personalities come from, what were they and how long had they been inside of Connor? More importantly; where was Connor? Was he watching everything happening but not able to control his body? Was he even alive?

"Where is my son?" Angel asked, his voice rising as his anger and confusion grew. Connor finally tore his gaze away from the empty plate to stare at Angel, giving him a look of both pity and disappointment, he replied. "We were really hoping that you would be smarter than this."

"But don't worry," He regained some of his composure. "we still like you much more than Holtz. Not that we ever liked Hotlz. But even if we had. We would still like you better." Leaning closer to Angel he began studying his face as though seeing him for the first time. "We can't help but notice how different you look, directly through Connors eyes. We are usually only able to see you through his mind's eye, which is not that same thing."

"But that isn't important right now." He leaned his shoulder into the couch, making himself comfortable. "You're worried about Connor and that makes us happy to know that you care. So we'll just move on to what you need to know. We have been with Connor since he was was known as Steven. Since he was a young child. He was injured when we first met. Would never have survived his wounds, had it not been for us."

"Not that we did anything different than what our race has done for centuries. We are worms you see. We find a host and preform a pact. In return for protection, we keep our host healthy." "You're parasites." Angel spat. Connor flared up with anger "Connor is alive only because of us." He glared at Angel "You were no help." He glanced at Cordelia before glaring at both Gun and Fred. "You three didn't save him from suffocating to death, we did."

"He never would have needed saving if he hadn't of betrayed us." Gun angrily retorted. He didn't feel threatened by the worms like Fred did but then again, he had never been host to anything before that controlled his body. He assumed it would be a horrible feeling. Fred didn't like to talk in detail about the experience but said once that it was disgusting.

"And he never would have had the opportunity to betray you, if all of you had just done a better job of protecting him when he was a baby. Even us worms, as low as we are in the grand scheme of things can at least protect an infant." "You have no right to bring that up. You, whoever you are, weren't there. Which means that there is no way you can judge us."

"Enough." Cordelia yelled, holding an index finger to both Gun and Connor, to ensure neither of them would speak. She looked at Connor. "You'll have to forgive the way Gun is behaving. He's tired and has been under a lot of stress lately. Despite the way he is acting, I assure you that he cares as deeply for Connor as the rest of us."

Gun looked insulted "I don't need you apologizing for me. I have a right to feel angry after-" Cordelia cut him off with a sharp look, her eyes sending a message that made it clear she wanted to be the only one talking. Her features softened as her attention shifted back to Connor. "I know these past few days have been difficult."

Connor looked down sheepishly, avoiding Cordelia's gaze. He seemed more relaxed as he spoke. "It has been hard. Breathing for Connor is not an easy thing to do without any food." He lifted his blood stained shirt to reveal not only were all his ribs noticeable but that his stomach caved in as though he had sucked in air. "We almost killed him trying to save him."

"Can we speak to him?" Cordelia asked. Connor lowered his shirt. "He has hidden himself away and is currently refusing to speak to us since he killed that horrible human. It is the reason we are in control right now instead of him." "How do we even know if Connor is still alive?" Gun asked, his voice no longer sounding angry. "He seemed dead when I picked him up."

The tension in the air was palpable as Gun spoke "When I saw him standing, I just figured that I had overlooked his pulse or that he was breathing so faintly that I couldn't see his chest moving." Connor slowly shook his head. "That was our doing. He requested that we hid that he was alive so that he could confront the human that aided Holtz in betraying him."

"Did you know he was going to kill her?" All eyes shifted to Fred who appeared to have regained some of her confidence. "We knew there was a possibility. He was very angry and when she started to insult him." "He snapped" Fred offered. "When he thought that he would die, all he wanted was to kill Holtz and anyone associated with him and then the lid opened and he caught her scent."

Cordelia took a deep breath in and tried hard not to let the chaos of recent events cloud her mind. She needed to be calm. "I can try and reach Connor using my demon half." "That doesn't sound like a good idea. For all we know this is a ruse and you'll be the next one possessed." There was no surprise that Gun wasn't agreeing with her plan. She knew that he meant well and was only trying to keep her safe. There was however nobody that was going to stop her from trying to protect Connor.

"You agree with me right, Angel?" Cordelia frowned at Gun for putting Angel on the spot. "I've already decided." She moved to sit beside Connor, her mind made up when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "You can't talk me out of this." She informed Angel, her voice stern. "I'm not. I just want you to be careful." "Always." She replied.

She wasn't really sure how she was going to find Connor. She knew that she needed to look inside of his mind. How exactly was still a mystery. Since becoming part demon she had used some of her powers but it was always partly unintentional. Never when she really needed it. Like when Connor had been stolen or Angel and Connor had gone missing. She had spent many night awake at the thought that she had the power to do something but no idea how to use it.

She held one of his hands, hoping the physical contact would help somehow. "Do you know what you're doing?" There was an obvious hint of uncertainty in his voice while he gave her a skeptical look. She closed her eyes, concentrating. "Yes." Although she sounded confident, there was still a part of her that felt strange as the minutes passed by with nothing happening.


	9. Chapter 9

"Are you relaxed?" Cordelia asked, she could feel that Connor was still tense despite having assured him that she knew what she was doing. He pulled her hand away from hers. "This feels wrong. Allowing you in without Connors permission. We've had an agreement since we first met that we wouldn't do anything without consulting one another. With the exception of earlier we have always kept that promise."

"You aren't breaking the promise. He's not here to object so it's up to you to make the choice in his place. Look, I know he would more than likely be completely against this but he won't have the chance to be angry if we don't go find him, right?" He nodded his head and clutched her hand with both of his.

Fully relaxed, Cordelia felt a calming effect move through her. It felt almost as though she were about to fall asleep, her mind slowing down, she even felt her head lean forward just a little to much. She stumbled backwards, shocked having not remembered standing up. "You're here." Two voice greeted her in unison.

She looked around the vast red desert landscape, covered in large jagged rocks. It looked like the worst place in the world to be lost. Without even a puddle in sight, most if not all would die from dehydration. "Where are you?" She couldn't see Connor. Something hard touched her hand, she looked down to see two brown centipede like creatures, about the length from her fingers to her elbow. They were both staring at her.

"There are only two of you." They broke their attention away from her to glance at one another, then back to her. "What were you expecting? 10,100, 1,000 maybe?" Even without their voices holding any emotion she could tell they were being sarcastic. She stood, brushing off the red clay from her clothing. Despite it not being on her physical body, it still bothered her. "Do either of you have any idea where Connor is?"

"We wouldn't be asking for your help if we knew where he was." The sarcasm wasn't helping "What about the landscape? What areas have you already searched?" "This is the inside of a persons mind. There is no definitive landscape. It can all change with a single thought or feeling."

She surveyed the land but nothing stood out to her. It was creepy, like being in a painting or in a dollhouse. Everything that was around her didn't affect her. No heat from sun, which looked considerably larger. There also wasn't any wind. Just looking at all of it, she could feel a bead of sweat go down her back.

She started walking west, toward a group of rocks that looked easy enough to climb, giving a better view the area. The two worms followed parallel to each other, behind her, giving her enough space so that if she stopped, they wouldn't walk into her. "Do you two have names?" It seemed like the type of question to waste time "Why wouldn't we have names?" She couldn't think of a response.

"I am called, Left" The worm walking to the left replied. His voice sounding strange without the other speaking in unison. "And I am right." The other said. "We realize that these are unoriginal names. However, they are not our real names, they are what Connor refers to us as. A very important part of the pact aside from keeping each other healthy is the host renaming us and those are the names that he chose."

Left and Right stopped as Cordelia paused, placing a hand to her head. "Are you unwell?" They asked. She shook her head. Not only as a reply but to keep herself from staring too much at the white spots that had appeared and were obscuring her sight. She couldn't help but think that maybe the heat really was getting to her.

"Do either of you hear that?" At first she thought the noise was a falling rock but once it happened again and became more consistent. Left and Right took off toward the sound, their bodies moving faster than her feet could carry her. She had the idea to call after them to slow down but once they got out of eyesight, they stopped. Their bodies arched up, like groundhogs as they waited for the sound.

"There." Once again they shot off, leaving her to follow behind. When she caught up to them, they were standing in front of a large boulder that looked as though it had shot out from the earth itself. The lower half was buried, the upper came up at least seven feet. She made a circle around the rock, trying to see why they had stopped. "He's here."

She placed her hand on the boulder and watched as the area around them changed. More boulders erupted from the ground, much larger than the one she had just touched. They surrounded them like teeth inside a mouth. She made a 360, taking in how trapped they suddenly were. It made her feel strange to miss the endless desert.

Something fell from the sky, it kicked up a cloud of sand once it landed. Now boulders are falling from the sky, she thought. She backed herself up against the boulder for protection. The dust around the object settled, it was round and... Holtz? His head at least. She took a step toward it. Only to be stopped by Left or maybe Right, she couldn't tell. More object began to fall like rain, a body rain. All of them pieces of Holtz

Heads, arms, legs, a torso here and there. Very rarely were the parts attached to anything. Cordelia studied each piece and noticed that not only were they severed and bleeding, each had cuts and in some cases, a small sharpened rock that resembled an arrowhead, embedded in them. When the falling stopped, she noticed him. A young boy about eight or nine, standing naked, watching them.

Left and Right raced to him, not bothering to stop once they reached him, they climbed either of his legs before coiling their bodies around him. "We've missed you." They said, rubbing their heads against either sides of his face like cats. "Why are you here?" Cordelia keeled in front of him so they could be at eye level. "We were worried about you. Angel and the others. You gave Gun a real scare when he couldn't find a pulse or notice you breathing. And when these two started talking for you, we weren't sure if you were alive."

"I did try and explain these two to Angel when I mentioned that I would starve before suffocating. Must have slipped his mind." "He is really worried about you. I don't think he had time to think." She couldn't help but feel like an intruder with Connor appearing mildly annoyed by her presence. It made her mad that he didn't seem convinced that they were worried about him. "No one is angry about what happened."

His face loosened into a wide grin as he broke out laughing. "Now, I know you think I'm stupid. I may not have been completely aware of what was going on while I hid here but there is no way that anyone but maybe Angel and you are even close to not being mad. And the only reason behind you not being mad is so Angel will love you more. I don't blame you. I know what it's like to care about someone so much that you'll do anything for that person."

She clenched then unclenched her fists, feeling the anger surge through her as Connor spoke. It was more that she could handle. She struck him across the face. It hadn't meant to be hard, just enough to shock him into taking her seriously. "Do not look down on me, I have much more life experience than you. And as far as being less angry for Angel's sake. I do love Angel but I can make my own decisions.

Connor placed a hand to his reddening cheek for comfort while Left and Right flared their bodies up in retaliation. "I wish I were as strong as you. Then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation. I could have just ignored Holtz when he came to me, telling me that it was my duty since he raised me, to kill Angel. But I couldn't because I have never made my own decisions. All that I do is only for Holtz. Me going and living with you was only by his orders."

He shook as head, laughing bitterly as tears spilled down his face. "It's strange, I've lived my whole life surviving one demon attack to the next, never once thinking about the future. But now all I can think about is the future and how I don't have one." He gestured to the Holtz parts surrounding them. "When I do manage to kill him for real, it won't do me any good. I can still feel him inside of me. Telling me what to do and how to act. Even when I was spending time with all of you, I could still hear him whispering in my ear."

Hearing Connor spill his guts to her was eye opening to say the least and just a little bit disturbing. At the same time, it did make sense. While spending time with Connor she had noticed how he watched everyone, as though constantly seeking approval in everything that he did. Before she had assumed it was something he did as a result of being overly cautious and not wanting to get things wrong. Now she knew that it was a behavior Holtz had embedded into him, to make him easier to control. Connor could never do anything Holtz didn't want him to do, if he always needed his approval.

She reached out, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him into her chest, worms and all. "I'm so sorry." She whispered into his hair, feeling her breathing hitch as she began to cry. "For what?" He didn't seem to understand. "For everything. For not keeping you safe, for not rescuing you away from Holtz, for not understanding how you felt. More importantly for not caring how you felt. We were all just so glad that you came back that we didn't even try to understand what you had gone through."

She wrapped her arms tighter around him, feeling as he began to relax. His arms adjusted so that he could hug her. He buried his head into her chest and began to cry. Left and Right moved away, allowing them to be alone during such an emotional time. Cordelia however grabbed the nearest worm and patted the ground beside her. "Connor wouldn't be here if it weren't for you two. That makes you guys family too." Not saying anything they moved to either side of her.

It was some time before Connor managed to calm down and he found his voice again, during which time the landscape changed. The large boulders that surrounded them went back into the ground, even the one she had been standing in front of. The pieces of Holtz as well had been swallowed up by the sand, leaving no trace they had once been there. Looking up at Cordelia with puffy red eyes, from too much crying, he asked "What now?"

"From this point on, I am going to teach you something very important. Something that most children your age have more than enough of. As a matter of fact, I myself was well known for this growing up." Connor looked up at her, confused. "I am going to teach you how to be selfish. You said so yourself that you've never made decisions for yourself. So I say, that it is long overdue for you to start making decisions for yourself, by becoming selfish you will learn how to do so."

Connor paused for a moment, his face becoming a mixture of hope then confusion. "Do you really think it's possible for me to become selfish? After all this time, having never made my own decisions?" She nodded "Trust me. With me as your teacher. There could be no one better" He smiled a little, returning his face to rest against her chest. "Then could we stay like this, just a little while longer?" "Of course." Cordelia smiled, holding him a little closer. "See, I'm teaching and you learning already."

* * *

Solitaire; Dang, I never though I could write this much. It was like my finger were possessed, I just couldn't make them stop. That being said I do feel kind of weird since none of the other chapters I've posted have even come close to this many words. Oh well. *Shrugs shoulders* Guess I'll just chalk this up as another learning experience. Special thanks for reviewing to; jnd25, 5-STAR and David boreanaz's wife247. Thank you for taking your time to review my story.


	10. Chapter 10

He felt cold inside but not the shivering kind, that had to do with the weather. There was no way it had anything to do with the temperature. Outside of his cave it was warm and humid as it was almost all of the time. Except on the rare blue moon, as his father had put it, that it had snowed, leaving the water frozen.

He smiled realizing that there was an incident on that rare blue moon that made him feel almost the same as he did while he laid in his cave. It happened while he was out on the ice. Looking for a spot where the ice was just right. Where it would be thick enough to hold his weight and yet at the same time not too thick so that he wouldn't have to spend more than he wanted making a hole to catch food for father and himself.

The ice had caved in under his weight. The tide much stronger than he imagined, pulled him further and further away from where he had fallen through and with that perhaps the only place he knew where the ice was thin. While caught in the current he tumbled and rolled, moved every which way by the ice freezing water that stung him like sharp claws and took his strength.

When the pulling became less he looked in the direction he guessed was up and began to reach blindly for anything solid. His foot struck something first, solid ice. Realizing that he was upside down he managed to right himself and began pounding on the thick sheets of ice. With each pound of his fist his body seemed reluctant to repeat the process.

Already his lung began to scream for air while the feeling in his legs and feet went from freezing to feeling nothing at all, making it harder to remain near the surface. Despite his focus solely on breaking the ice, it didn't appear to be giving way. Not a crack or even a sliver. His mind began to give up along with his body.

A dark silence began to grip him. In his mind, he was falling into nothingness. It wasn't a horrible thing like he had expected death to be like. But then again he had always imagined there would be fighting involved and lots of blood, not freezing waters. As he allowed himself to fall into the abyss, someone called out to him. At first he was only aware of the voice as no more than a whisper, allowing him to ignore it.

Pretending it wasn't only there only made it louder. His eyes opened a little as the voice screamed, wake up. As though yelled from a mountain, the voice echoed throughout his mind. Very strong at first, then softer until it was gone. Wake up right now, you cannot die like this. The way it spoke this time was different, like it was pleading with him.

It sparked something inside of him. With renewed strength he pushed his legs, propelling him toward the surface. This time he searched, feeling along the ice for a weak spot. It wasn't easy to decide where to check. Near toward where he thought he had fallen through the ice? further away? His left palm finally scraped against a piece of ice that felt different. Weaker.

Using all of his strength he smashed his fist against the spot and was rewarded as his fingers felt cold wind. Despite how small the hole was, his need for air was greater than his logic. He tried in vain to fill his lung with air, only to start chocking on water. Panic began to set in as he clawed away at the hole, increasing it's size. Once large enough he inhaled, finally breathing in air. As cold as it made his lungs, it was much better than water.

With the last of his strength beginning to fade he threw himself onto the ice where he laid waiting for the feeling to return in his legs. The wind chilled his wet skin, along with his stomach, feeling extra cold from the water he swallowed. At least he was still alive. Shaking he managed to get to his feet and began walking toward home, without any food. A big mistake.

Despite trying to explain to his father how he had nearly drowned beneath the ice, there was no excuse good enough for not bringing back food. His father had punished him, hitting him hard in the face with his fist. It cost him a tooth but the real pain was his fathers words. "You're useless! I should have never saved you from your demon father. I should have allowed him to eat you."

Steven sunk as low to the ground as the cave allowed, trying his best to appear submissive. He didn't like it when he made a mistake and was punished. Not so much receiving the punishment as knowing that he was unable to do something for his father. He only wanted to be of use to the only person that cared about him.

"I'll just have to go hunting, myself." He spat, sending a look of pure anger at Steven who hadn't moved for his spot on the ground. Later when his father returned with food, Steven was not permitted to take more than was necessary, not a bite more. It wasn't such a bad thing, at least his father seemed a little bit happier once he had eaten.

Reaching his hands down toward his chest, he could feel blood and bits of flesh, pulled away from his stomach. He wasn't certain where he had gotten the strength to fight off the demon after he had taken a swipe with his claws and tore through his midsection. It didn't even matter. Already his hearing began to fade as he felt the familiar pull of the darkness.

At least he was right, he couldn't help but think. There had been fighting with a demon and lots of blood. It made things easier, thinking about how he had only wanted to die fighting. In truth the only thing keeping him alive was the idea of dying in battle. It was the beginning and the end. He came into the world fighting and would leave the same way.

Feeling something tap his right shoulder, he managed to turn his head toward the creature. It was a worm, a parasite type. There were two of them, one had the upper half of it's body on his upper arm and shoulder while the other kept it's distance. Both had armored plated bodies and many legs. Although he considered himself to know just about every demon and worm, he didn't recognize the two. It made him curious, he wanted to kill one to study it. See how thick the armor was, how sharp of a rock would it take to pierce it? How it would handle heat or cold? How many legs it had? Finally, how it tasted?

"Kill me." He whispered. He wanted to say more, however just those two words took all of his strength. "We don't want to kill you." It felt like a delusion, similar to the voice he heard in the water. Wanting to ask why but not having the energy, he chose to chose to ignore the worm. "Can you hear me?" He just barely heard the words or felt it's many legs, gripping and shaking his shoulder.

A sudden and very painful feeling exploded from his right leg. He jolted up slightly using his left arm to prop himself up, causing the room around him to spin. While he tried to focus his vision on his leg, he could feel the worm that had been speaking, holding onto his arm. The other had it's mouth on his leg. He tried to shake the creature off his leg, it was useless. He fell back down, exhausted.

"What do you want?" He asked, surprised by his sudden ability to speak. "It's called a pact. Another way of saying we want to make a deal with you. In exchange for your protection, my partner and I are going to save your life." He laughed, feeling pain shoot up his sides. "You don't believe us?" He stopped laughing. "What makes you think I want to live?"

Although he was certain neither creatures were capable of facial expressions, he felt the talking worm on his shoulder, tighten his grip. "We've watched you, seen you survive through what would kill most demons. Through it all, you persevered. Why give up now?" Connor tried laughing again only to fail as more intense pain shot through him. "I'm not sure how long you've been paying attention to my life for but these past few days."

His face grew considerably darker as the light faded from his eyes. "As of lately, I have been sick. Unable to keep food inside of my stomach which has made me weaker. And useless to my father since I can no longer hunt or protect either of us. He left days ago and has yet to return. I don't think he will. This is better though. I was worried that I would die from my sickness and not be able to die fighting."

"He just left you behind?" The worm loosened it's grip. He nodded, loosing the strength once again to speak. "How about a deal before the pact?" The worm previously biting his leg asked, moving toward his other shoulder. "If we can give you one good reason to live then you'll preform the pact with us." He turned his head to face the other worm and smirked, knowingly. "Deal."

Connor jolted up out of bed, his heart racing as he came out of reliving the two worst memories, at least during when he was a child. He looked around, feeling uncertain about his surroundings. Taking in a deep breath before slowly letting it out, his mind finally seemed calm, allowing what happened the night before to come back to him. After Cordelia went into his mind and brought him back from where he had been hiding.

Gun and Fred had escorted him to one of the many hotel bathrooms for a bath, during which they only left him alone while he took off the clothes he had been wearing and when he put on the new clothes Cordelia had brought him. A pair of boxers that were a bit loose and a large white long sleeved shirt that was much too big and from the smell belonged to Angel. He brought one of the sleeves which went past his wrists, up to his nose and inhaled.

The shirt had been cleaned leaving Angel's scent mixed together with pineapple along with another smell he didn't recognize. Carefully he lowered himself back into bed, wondering if he had awakened Angel when he jolted up. He turned his head to study Angel but couldn't tell if he was asleep or not. It was the lack of breathing he told himself. While they had been in the coffin together it had been easy to overlook. With things calm, it wasn't.

It was strange that someone could be alive and not be breathing. "What about you?" Left and Right both asked. "It's different." He replied, still not quite believing his own words. He rolled over onto his right side, hoping that not facing Angel would allow him to stop thinking about, not breathing. It didn't work. His back felt strange, unguarded. He rolled onto his back. Despite being told by Cordelia that he should start thinking for himself, it was hard to ignore what Holtz had taught him about Angel.

Despite the vampire having done nothing to harm him. Even while they were trapped together inside of a coffin with the information that it was Connor that had allowed them to end up there in the first place. Connor balled up his fists and began rapping them against his head. All he wanted was for the very loud and constant voices that spoke bad about Angel to stop talking.

Connor felt something cold encircle his left wrist, stopping his self admonishment. He turned his head to find Angel, propped up on his right side, much closer than before. He found it startling that he hadn't noticed Angel move until he had grabbed his wrist. Not knowing what to say to Angel to make him let go, he didn't want to yank his wrist away. Not completely at least. He decided to talk.

"Did I wake you?" Connor asked, trying to focus on his wrist, still held by Angel. "No, I've been awake." He felt Angel release his wrist. Now knowing that Angel was awake, there was no denying the extra voice in his head aside from the usual one, Cordelia. After telling her the most intimate details about how he really felt about not only himself but his relationship with Holtz, she had encouraged him to discuss those feelings with Angel. It wasn't even easy to think about, let alone do.

Just thinking about telling Angel how he had never made a single decision in his entire life made him feel useless. His face started to feel warm and the room somehow quieter as he imagined Angel laughing at him, telling him that he never wanted a weak son like him. "Connor?" Angel whispered, bringing his son out of his obsessive thoughts. "Yes."

"Why were you hitting yourself?" Connor inhaled slowly through his mouth, just realizing that he hadn't been breathing since he started thinking about the conversation Cordelia wanted him to have with Angel. He thought about lying, giving an excuse about his head hurting to avoid him telling the truth. It was the voice of Cordelia that stopped him. One of the new rules she had given him were to stop lying, even if they were about the little things.

"I wanted them to stop, the voices. They were saying bad things about you. I couldn't ignore them so I thought if I hit myself, they would stop." Connor began to pick at the comforter to give himself something to do, aside from thinking. Minutes passed by while Connor awaited a reply. His face became warm again, the room as well, quieter. He began to imagine Angel laughing at his words and pulled the sheets above his head.

It was warmer under the covers than he would have liked but at least he couldn't look at Angel. He did however hear and feel him push his covers off and get out of bed. Once again him mind created images of Angel. This time instead of laughing, he attacked Connor. He tightened his grip on the sheets as the footsteps came closer and louder. Angel sat on the edge of the bed, his weight causing the bed to sag.

Connor could feel his heart, hammering louder than Angel's footstep as Angel loomed over him. "What's wrong?" Angel sounded calm, not at all like he was angry and about to attack. "Go away." Connor whispered, lying. Or at least not telling the whole truth. A part of him did want Angel to go away, the part telling him that Angel was about to do something bad to him. The other part wanted to explain himself and therefore for him to stay.

The air became hotter beneath the covers, Connor lowered them just so his eyes could barely glimpse at Angel. It took a moment for his eyes to get adjusted. Despite the windows being covered, it was darker under the covers than the bedroom. He could see Angel, clearly looking at him. He pulled the covers back over his head.

The weight on the bed shifted allowing Connor to peak once more. He had expected to see Angel leave and go back to his side of the bead. That wasn't the case. Instead, Angel turned his back to Connor and sat on the floor. "I know you don't think that I'll understand what you're going through. I think most children feel as though their parents can't understand them and although I don't think of myself as much of an exception, I have lived longer than most parents," He let out a low chuckle "which means that I have had more time than most to make mistakes."

Connor rolled over to stare at the back of Angel's head. Just as patient as Cordelia, he thought. It made things easier. He carefully lowered the sheet past his chin, waiting for Angel to turn and face him. The air that hit his face once the sheet was lowered made his face cooler. He inhaled the cooler air and waited for Angel move.

"If I make a mistake, you won't want me anymore and all I do is make mistakes. Holtz told me all the time that I was useless, unless I did exactly what he wanted me to do. So I never made any decisions for myself and now he's gone but I still want to do want he wanted me to do. I can't make decisions for myself and stop listening to him, even after he tried to kill me." Connor pulled his knees to his chest as he began to cry, warm tears spilling onto the pillow.

Feeling embarrassed for crying, Connor rolled onto his stomach. Without turning around Angel reached his arm back toward his son. Placing his hand on Connor's back he began to make circling motions to calm him. "First off, you are not useless. Living with Holtz, he made you dependent on him so he could control you. By taking away everything from you, all that you had was only what he would give you. It's the most basic way of controlling someone."

Lifting his head from the pillow, Connor turned and faced Angel. "So how do I make it stop?" "It's not something you have to do alone. Cordelia and I will help you. I'm not going to lie and say it's going to be easy or that it will happy won't take time. The important part isn't the time, it's that it will happen. Besides, we have all the time in the world.

Feeling satisfied as well as annoyed with himself, he had never cried as much in his entire life, in comparison to the last few days, Connor buried his head once again into the pillow. Angel got up from the floor and moved back into his side of the bed. With the covers pulled up, he patted the area beside himself "Come here." With the movements of someone approaching a bomb, Connor moved toward Angel. His mind had calmed down somewhat from saying what he wanted. The thoughts however, never completely left him.

He remembered the last time he had been close to Angel while lying down. Not so long ago, inside a coffin, in the ocean. Connor remained an arms length away. "Closer," Angel whispered. Connor scooted closer. "little bit more," He moved slower and closed less distance."a whole lot more, this time." Connor didn't move, his mind telling him not to get closer. He clenched his jaw, determined not to listen to the voice.

After some time, he managed to move into the crook of Angel's arm. Allowing his father to wrap his arm around his midsection. It felt odd for him to be physically close to someone, by choice. He decided to distract himself again. He took hold of Angel's hand and began examining his fingers, noticing how much larger they were than his own. "When you woke up earlier, was that the same memory from before?" Connor nodded, his attention occupied. "Will you tell me about it?"

Connor had never told anyone about the memory he held of going under the ice or how he made a pact with Left and Right, not even Holtz. Then again, no one had ever asked. Retelling the memory from his dream wasn't easy, he started off whispering, feeling strange. As time went on, the words came easier. Angel remained neutral the entire time. He stopped at the part where he had woken up. Connor looked at Angel, signaling the end of the dream. "What was the promise?" Angel asked

Connor looked back to his hands, holding Angel's index finger. "They promised to never abandon me." Angel pulled Connor closer to him. "I second that promise. I'll never abandon you, Connor." He felt Angel kiss the top of his head, causing his face to grow warm again. It was different from before, it didn't feel bad.

* * *

Solitaire; Another long chapter. Feels good to go over 2k again.

Thank you; bkwrmfisch and jnd25, for the reviews.


	11. Chapter 11

The red lines on the clock read, 4:27 but to Angel they mean nothing. After pulling himself away from his son to shower, the night before. Something he had desperately needed and wanted, from the stress of almost losing his son, twice. The shower was a godsend. He had almost fallen asleep as the warm water spread over him, working out the kinks in his neck and shoulders.

It had been Cordelia to wake him. Opening the door to the bathroom, she had placed a clean towel onto the toilet lid for him. He dried quickly, dressing into more comfortable clothing. All he wanted was his bed. Instead he followed Cordelia's scent to find her standing with Connor, at the door to his bedroom. Connor had been dressed in one of his shirts that was obviously too big for him and a pair of boxers that appeared loose.

"Ready for bed?" Angel asked, he hadn't really expected an answer. Cordelia nodded, pushing the door open she took a step back. Connor entered the bedroom leaving the two alone. Angel followed Connor, pausing only to think of something to say to Cordelia. She smiled and shook her head "You don't have

to say anything, I know."

Angel placed his free arm onto his forehead, there had been a few bumps with Connor, nothing he hadn't suspected would happen. The only thing that had been surprising was how open Connor had been. Although he had been tempted to ask Cordelia, time had taught him that it was better to get it from the source. She had been the first one to break down Connor's emotional barrier.

The door slid open, spilling in a small stream of light. Cordelia moved quietly in as though to try and lessen the creaking of the door as she closed it. Once the door was closed she slowly released the doorknob instead of instantly releasing it. Angel glanced at Connor who remained quiet. He wasn't certain how long his son would sleep but wasn't about to wake him up.

"How long do you two plan on sleeping?" Angel tore his gaze away from him sleeping child to Cordelia standing over him in her signature pose, arms crossed over her chest while looking in charge."You know I had to send Gun off to kill a demon so he wouldn't charge up her. He was convinced you would be dust if we waited any longer." Despite having an edge to her voice she whispered the last part.

Angel looked back to his son. "I just don't want to rush anything. I want him to feel like he can do things at his own pace." Cordelia nodded sympathetically "The problem with his pace is that it might be similar to yours and we all know how slow you can be." Angel appeared hurt. "What? All I'm saying is that you two need to get out of bed before two certain people and maybe a third start worrying."

"So get out of bed." Angel realized that Cordelia's attention was no longer solely on him. He turned to Connor in enough time to catch his son closing his eyes. Angel tried not to show his child that he already knew he was awake. His arm still looped beneath Connor's midsection, Angel pulled his son to his chest while sitting up.

"How long have you been awake?" Connor kept his gaze on the ground. "A while." He whispered. Angel could tell Connor had something on his mind as he began tracing circles in the sheets and was having trouble saying it. He looked at Cordelia for advice, she remained quiet. After some time Connor slowly looked away from the ground and gave Cordelia, the look. His blue eyes softened as he features became sad. The puppy dog look. "Can't we stay in bed?"

"Yes." Angel replied, without any hesitation. Cordelia would have done the same if Angel hadn't beaten her, responding first. She thought about the younger form Connor had taken on while she had been inside of his mind and him giving the same puppy look. No doubt if Connor had grown up with Angel and the rest of Angel investigation that he would have gotten his way with that look. Not only was it adorable but made the comparison between father and son closer.

Cordelia shifted from one foot to the other, she knew that her main reason in coming to get Angel and Connor out of bed was to help reintegrate Connor into the fold. She wanted both Gun and Fred to see that not only had Angel forgiven Connor and therefore they should follow suit. Something harder for Gun than Fred. She also wanted them to know that Connor had changed, that he no longer felt, at least partially that he wanted to kill Angel.

Staring down one sad face was hard enough, when Angel joined his son, it became impossible. "Fine." She threw her hands up in exasperated defeat. "You two have beaten me." She moved to the other side of the room and pulled the sheets down and crawled into bed, making it so Connor was between her and Angel.

Angel laid back down, releasing Connor as he moved his arm to rest beneath Cordelia's head. Connor moved back into the same position as before, into the crook of his fathers arm, aside from facing Cordelia instead of Angel. Cordelia frowned, suddenly thinking about what she should have been doing instead of laying in bed. She quickly pushed the thought away when Connor smiled at her, a genuine smile that no doubt came from unloading some much needed extra baggage.

Angel and Connor perked up, their attention at the door almost simultaneously. Cordelia didn't need to think about who it was, there being only two people that would want in and only one that would bother knocking instead of barging in. "You can come in, Fred." Cordelia called, sitting up so she wouldn't scream in Connor's face.

Fred moved in, quiet as a mouse, the door remaining silent as she opened and closed it it. Looking at the bed she didn't seem to notice Connor, causing her face to flush red with embarrassment at what she thought was going on. "I'll just leave you two alone." She turned on her heel and began to leave, only to began fumbling with the doorknob.

Cordelia felt her face become confused before finally raising one eyebrow. "It's not two, it's three. Connor is here too." She pointed to his form, sandwiched between her and Angel, now completely covered by the bed sheet. She reached for the end of the sheet and pulled, expecting it to move easily. When it didn't budge she glanced at Fred who looked confused. "Some people just aren't morning people."

"It's not morning, it's almost six a clock. Unless you're talking about a different time zone, in which case I can name at least forty two other countries where it's morning. If you consider morning to be from seven am to nine am." Fred became silent. "I'll meet you downstairs in a little while, Fred" Cordelia promised.

Fred nodded and left, glancing back only once before leaving. Cordelia dropped back onto the bed and glared at where Connor laid, hiding. "When did he start this?" She asked, curious. At least, she thought, he wasn't hiding inside of his mind. Connor peaked from beneath the sheets at the door as though he expected Fred to return. "Yesterday." Angel replied in a resigned tone.

"Why were you hiding from Fred?" Cordelia asked. Connor tucked the sheet beneath his chin and stared at his feet. "Fred and Gun are still mad at me. If I'm near them, then they might want to fight me and I'm tired of fighting." "Do you think avoiding them is really the best way to handle them being mad at you?" Connor shook his head.

"There are other ways to handle things aside from fighting or hiding." Connor stared at his father. "I don't know of any. "You can start by apologizing to them. Letting them know that you feel bad about what happened and that it was a mistake to have betrayed their trust in you." "Will they forgive me?" Angel looked at Cordelia for support.

Cordelia pulled Connor closer to her so that his head rested against her shoulder. "People make mistakes, it's a part of life. The most important part of making a mistake is to first realize that you made a mistake. You can't even begin to apologize unless you understand how what you did affected the people you are going to apologize to. Once you understand that, you need to know that they might not forgive you. That doesn't mean that you don't really mean it when you say that you're sorry. It just means they aren't ready to forgive you just yet."

"I didn't even do it to hurt either of them. I was just doing what Holtz wanted me to do. He said I had to live with you guys, so I did. He said that it was my duty to kill Angel, so I almost did, only to end up betrayed by him, stuck in a coffin." Connor rolled away from Cordelia, groaning in frustration. He hugged his knees to his chest. "Maybe I'll stay in here for a few more days. Until I'm ready to face them."

"Oh, no you don't." Cordelia grabbed Connor by his collar and began half dragging him out of bed while getting to her feet. "You're already enough like Angel as it is. I do not need you to start brooding like him." Once Connor was sitting at the end of the bed she held her index finger in front of his face like a parent scolding her child. "We are going downstairs after you get into some proper clothes to eat breakfast. Angel will join us after he's had a shower. We will then have a group discussion with Fred and Gun."

Connor nodded his head. "Good." Cordelia clapped her hands together and smiled. "I will see you two in a little while and don't you dare make me come up here again." She added, her voice stern. The room quiet once again, Angel looked at his son who seemed lost. He had the same look on his face when he asked if Fred and Gun would forgive him. Angel felt he knew the two of them well enough to know that it would be easier to win Fred over than Gun.

Angel sat up, slid his feet over the edge of the bed and stretched. His entire body would be much happier after a shower and some much needed stretching. He would also have Connor join him and Cordelia since his son seemed to do more of what she said. "Connor." Connor appeared to come out of his thoughts. He took a seat beside his father. "How is her telling me what to do different from Holtz?" Angel placed his arm around Connor's shoulders "Because Cordelia cares about you along with the rest of the people that work here. Not just one or the other."

"But what about brooding? What is brooding? Why can you do it and I can't? Does it have to do with sleeping?" Angel searched his mind for a proper response while secretly hoping that Cordelia would come back. He found it hard to explain to his son how he had killed people and brooding for him was a way to repent for what he had done. At the same time he didn't want his son to get the wrong idea and think he could just brood like him instead of trying to apologize to Fred and Gun. He glanced once more at the door. "This is a conversation we'll have have when you're older."

"Like the sex talk that Cordelia ended up having with me?" Angel froze. "Which means that I should just go ask her." Before Angel could stop his son, Connor was out the door. Only the sounds of him running down the hall, followed by a door slamming, keeping him company. Angel entered the bathroom, turned on the shower and peeled of his clothes. The hot shower worked better than he had imagined. Somehow after the conversation with his son, he felt much older.

It was twenty minutes until Angel joined Cordelia and Connor. Both had finished a bowl of cereal and then for Connor, another. Fred had chosen to wait for Gun to return after Cordelia told her about the meeting she wished to have, concerning Connor and Angel. While they ate it was easy not to talk. Connor ate like an emaciated dog, shoveling food down his throat without bothering to chew. He also seemed paranoid, glancing around as though someone would steal his food. It was something Cordelia has noticed before and hoped he would grow out of.

After eating, Cordelia began the lengthy process of explaining what brooding was. Connor seemed fascinated, asking questions and even making faces during some descriptions. "So you were worried I was going to start brooding. Which means I would have stayed inside of Angel's bedroom while feeling bad about betraying you guys." Connor looked up thoughtfully. "I would have left eventually, to kill demons. So I wouldn't have stayed there all the time."

"Explaining what brooding is?" Angel asked, walking up behind his son. "It's information that is relevant to him. Plus he asked. I couldn't just say, no." "Like the sex talk?" Despite keeping his voice calm it was obvious to Cordelia that Angel was upset about her giving Connor the sex talk. He had explained to her that it was something he wasn't comfortable discussing with his son until he was older. She however felt differently.

Not only for Angel did older mean nearly middle aged but given that despite growing up in a hell dimension that Connor was still a hormonal teenager. She felt he needed to know the birds and the bees. Not that Connor was at the stage where he was even talking to people outside of those working the Hyperion. She had gone passed being under prepared.

Connor noticed the tension between the two. "I already knew what sex was. I've seen demons do it enough. I just didn't know the word for it." Cordelia gave an, I knew it would work out look. Angel remained annoyed. "I'd prefer it if you ran things by me so that I know what kind of information Connor is receiving. He is my son and I would have liked to have been the one to explain how reproducing works. When I felt he was old enough."

"Sounds like he would have gotten the talk after your first grandchild and at that point I suspect he would have probably figured it out on his own." " I realize that you had good intentions. I just would have liked to have known that you were going to have the talk with him instead of being blindsided, like I was just now. It also would have been nice to have added some advice from me."

"Sound like you two are having fun." Angel relaxed considerably at the sight of Gun. "We need to talk." Gun nodded "Fred told me. I'll go get her." Connor watched Gun leave and sighed deeply. "Are you sure I can't brood for a little while? I'm really not looking forward to this meeting." Cordelia sat beside Connor. "Me and Angel will be with you the entire time and if you don't go then I'll drag you there."

Angel, Cordelia and Connor sat on one side of the room with Fred and Gun on the other. The battle line was clearly drawn. "Connor will be living with us again. Both I and Cordelia have spoke to him about Holtz ordering him to kill me and have decided to forgive him. I know I can't make either of you do the same. I would however like you two, to consider how Holtz played a part in controlling Connor. Even after he ordered Connor to live with us, he was still under order."

"So what you're saying is that he was just following orders. What happens if he decides to follow orders again? We took him in, cared for him, befriended him, trusted him and through all of that he picked Holtz over us. He couldn't have decided for himself that given how we put our faith in him that we expected him not to try and kill you."

"No." Connor whispered. Angel spoke louder. "We underestimated what kind of hold that Holtz had over him." "And how were we supposed to figure that out if he spent time with us pretending to be fine. He should have spoken up sooner, if that was how he really felt. And how do we know for sure he won't try something again? So he cried a little bit and you guys hugged. Big deal. Holtz is still out there. What if Connor gets orders again?"

"Connor has decided not to listen to Holtz anymore. He's with us now." "I'm glad you've gotten that figured out. Forgive me if I don't believe him." Connor hugged his knees closer to his chest. Things were going about as well as he had expected. He had tried to make eye contact with Fred but she looked away. Gun was so angry that he couldn't even look at the man. He sounded too much like Holtz.

The venom in his voice similar to how Holtz spoke about demons.

Connor knew he had to speak for himself, that he couldn't force Angel to defend him. However, arguing was something that frightened him. Growing up he was forbidden to raise his voice against Holtz. When he did there was always hitting, followed by loss of privileges; shelter, food and even being spoken to. Holtz had never given affection like Cordelia or Angel. He wouldn't even allow Connor to sleep near him.

Connor's gaze remained down. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt either of you. When I was growing up I never imagined another life besides killing demons, it was all I ever had and could expect from myself. Coming here I was freighted and excited. I thought I could change myself. Ignore my past and make a future for myself. Spending time with all of you, I felt like that could never be. I don't think the same way as you. When Holtz came to me again, I knew I had never left my past. I did what he wanted because that was what I was raised to do. Despite all the time we spent together, in the back of my mind, killing Angel was always there."

"Trust isn't given, it's earned. What you did. It's going to be a long time before I let my guard down around you. Bad past aside, you chose to obey Holtz and push away your chance at having a family. And for what? Holtz turned on you as easily as you turned on us. I'm not convinced that you even know what loyalty is. Saying that your sorry, only goes so far. Especially when you might not even mean it. You living her, I can't change but that doesn't mean I have to like it. If it was up to me-"

"It's not up to you." Angel stated, flatly. "I am his father, so it's up to me." "They why even bother having this conversation?" Gun asked. Without glancing at Fred he left, slamming the door behind him. "I think that went well." Fred gave a slight nod at Cordelia's comment. "I don't care what anyone else thinks. I'm going to brood."


	12. Chapter 12

It was about time for Connor to wake up. Angel had just gotten into the shower, allowing him to roll over into Angel's spot. It wasn't warm like it would have been if a living person had been lying there but Connor didn't move over for the warmth, he enjoyed the scent of his father. Curling up into a ball, he waited for Angel to wake him.

Not long after drifting back to sleep, Connor woke to the sound of the Angel padding over to his dresser, opening and closing a few drawers. He closed his eyes, pretending to still be asleep. "Connor, you awake?" Angel asked, getting dressed. He didn't respond, confident he could stay in bed for at least another half an hour. Until Cordelia would threaten to drag him out of bed

He felt Angel move to stand beside him. "I know you're awake." Connor peaked at his father with one eye. "How?" He asked. "You just told me. Now, take a shower so we can eat breakfast." Connor buried his head further into the sheets, slightly irritated that his plan hadn't worked.

"I don't want to take a shower." Connor whispered, hoping to buy time. "It'll help you wake up." Connor shook his head. "I don't want to wake up." Angel placed his hand on his son's back. "Is this about avoiding Gunn and Fred?" Connor nodded, he knew there was no way Angel somehow missed the way Gunn glared at him or how Fred hardly looked at him.

Connor rolled over and sat up, his elbows resting on his knees "It's been a week. I thought they'd stop hating me by now. Gunn won't stop glaring and Fred still won't look at me. I don't get it, I thought you said there was a chance they would forgive me. Holtz never would have glared at me, he may have ignored me but if he was as angry as Gunn, he'd just hit me."

Angel sat beside his son, who could no longer look at him. There had been times where Connor had compared his new life with Angel to his old life with Holtz, it was something both he and Cordelia encouraged from him, so that they could understand some of the way he lived with Holtz. Even so, he could see the sad look in their eyes and would regret it.

"Fred might start coming around and Gunn being the type to hold a grudge longer, is going to take a while longer to starting forgiving, if he does forgive you and no, I can't give you an exact time frame. I can however promise you that Gunn won't hit you." "Because you'd break his neck?" Connor asked. There had been more than a few occasions while fighting demons that Connor had been surprised, angry, Angel had threatened to break the demon's neck if it hurt his son.

"Gunn is a friend, I wouldn't break his neck." "Would Cordelia break his neck?" Angel paused, thinking. "What about Holtz? Would you break his neck?" Connor frowned deeply, seeing the torn look on Angel's face. He knew that he couldn't kill Holtz and wouldn't expect Angel to either. It would make him angry at Angel if he killed Holtz. Despite all that the old man had put him through, Connor still loved him.

Connor leaned his head against Angel's shoulder. "I'm sorry. Nobody needs to get their neck broken." He slid off the bed and headed to the door. "Lets go eat breakfast." He turned back to Angel who seemed to have gotten over his comment about Holtz. All the while Connor came downstairs he chastised himself for trying to get out of breakfast with Gunn and Fred. He could handle their anger over knowing he made Angel upset.

When Connor made it to the table he found Cordelia eating cereal with Gunn, who had already eaten and was waiting for Fred to finish. Cordelia greeted him with a smile, patting the chair beside her. Gunn glanced at him through the corner of his eye and Fred could only glance before her attention became focused on her cheerios, as though there was a hidden message in all the o's.

Angel opened the box and poured some for Connor, without milk. Despite Angel's many tries to get his son to like milk, none of them had worked. Even with the promise that milk could help grow strong bones which meant fighting demons would be easier. Fred however quickly told him otherwise.

"According to the American Journal of Epidemiology, consumption of dairy products at the age of twenty years was associated with in increased risk of hip fracture in old age. Making the idea that milk is good for you nothing more than a conspiracy by the government." Connor didn't really understand what the government was but he did like that Fred had gotten him out of drinking milk. Not only did he dislike the taste but Left and Right, who shared all of the food he consumed, warned him that it wasn't good for him.

"Want me to make you an egg or two? Some toast with peanut butter or jelly, both maybe?" Angel asked. Connor starting picking at his breakfast, shook his head. He stared at his son a second longer "I'll be right back." Angel promised, leaving to retrieve his morning pack of blood. Connor remained quiet, keeping his eyes anywhere but toward Gunn and his glaring.

"Any plans for today?" Cordelia asked to no one in particular. "Just some light reading." Fred squeaked, her eyes sweeping over Gunn. The anger coming from him was almost suffocating. "I have a small nest of demons that need to be removed but I'll have to wait for night so Angel can join me." "Why not take Connor?" Angel reappeared, a mug of blood between his hands.

Gunn raised a single eyebrow while Connor sunk into his chair, it almost always worked with Holtz and some demons. Letting them know that he wasn't a threat by making himself appear smaller. Connor glanced at Angel, trying to read his body language. He couldn't understand why Angel had volunteered him to go out with Gunn, knowing the older man would more than likely treat him as a nuisance.

"What do you say?" Connor stared in disbelief although he tried not to show it, choosing to instead remain calm. He thought back to his earlier conversation with Angel about how Gunn wouldn't hit him. A part of him wanted to trust his father but the other told him it would be foolish to go somewhere alone with Gunn. Ignoring the paranoid part of himself, he answered. "Yes."

Gunn stood to leave, pausing to warn. "We'll be leaving in fifteen minutes. Grab your weapons and meet me by my truck." Pushing his half empty bowl away, Connor left his breakfast to grab some weapons. He had hoped to do so alone but while gathering some small knives and a sword he felt Angel standing near him. "Why did you do that?" He asked, venom seeping from his voice.

Angel grabbed a small and sturdy blade for Connor to tuck in his shoe. "You were the one that said it was taking too long to be forgiven. The fastest way to handle something is by facing it head on. Fighting with Gunn is the best way to prove that you're on the same side." Angel smiled at his son. "And besides, I think Cordelia is starting to worry about you not leaving the hotel. So this deals with two problems at the same time. Three if you count the demon nest."

Connor leaned out the window of Gunn's van, even if the air condition hadn't been broken he still preferred to feel the breeze against his face as opposed to the air pushed out from the vents. It just wasn't the same thing. Neither had spoken when they met up and the drive too was silent. For Connor who was expecting Gunn to explode on him like before it wasn't a big deal. The combination of heat and rocking motion was enough for Connor to feel tired. He shook his head and sat up to avoid falling asleep.

Sitting up he felt his shoulders relax and realized how tense he had been. He wondered how much it had to do with Gunn. Being outside of the hotel where there were more people that he could have ever imagined with the noises of strange devices mixes with things he couldn't identify. All of it made him want to go back to Angel's room and hide under the covers.

The only thing keeping him from doing so was the relaxing though of killing demons. It had been too long since he had cut or decapitated anything, it was starting to get to him. He had even thought of asking Angel to spar with him to take the edge off but at the same time worried if he would try and take it too far. The urge was very strong.

Leaning his head back he rolled his shoulders and searched for Left and Right. "You two are quieter than usual." He could feel Right nod his head only for Left to hit him. "What?" Connor asked. "Were really happy about you getting along with Angel and Cordelia. Your father clearly cares about you a great deal. Cordelia as well. When we met she was very nice to the two of us."

"The only thing is; Holtz." Connor allowed his head to loll to the right side, to feel the breeze. Always the bearer of good news. Left spoke first to lessen the sting of whatever bad news Right would bring. It was however no new news. The fact that Holtz was yet to be caught and would never stop trying to kill Angel until either died or died again in Angel's case was obvious.

"I'll have to kill him to keep Angel safe." He wanted to add that it was his duty since he felt Holtz was his problem but felt it wasn't necessary. Having grown up with the two meant they knew him sometimes even better than he knew himself. Which made his earlier statement nothing more than a pep talk for himself. They knew it wouldn't be as easy as he made it sound to kill the man that had raised him. Even if it had only been for revenge.

Connor felt the Truck come to a stop and opened his eyes to a large broken down building that almost reminded him of the Hyperion or at least in size. Gunn got out and retrieved his ax from the back of the trunk. Connor followed him, grabbing his sword. Once again there were no words, just the sound of them walking.

Connor noted the quiet from the inside of the building and became worried. A nest no matter how small should have noise, he thought. Demons coming and going with food and more importantly, the guards. He sniffed the air trying to catch what exactly was wrong. Gunn seemed to note as well that something was wrong. "You smell anything strange?" Gunn asked, his body tense, ready for a sneak attack.

"Yes and no." They continued walking into a large room filled with machines that were once used for printing newspapers. The place had gone under after the owner decided to embezzle money from the business, allowing it to go bankrupt. Not finding anyone to buy it the employees were let go and the place abandoned. The bank had tried to liquidate what it could, even going as far as to sell the chairs and office equipment. The large machines however were older models, combined with their large size the where left to rust.

The smell of demons was strong, no real surprise given it was supposed to be a demons nest. The only problem was how it wasn't as strong as it should have been. Connor followed Gunn past a line of machines that were covered in shredded wood, nesting material. Yet there were still no demons to be seen. "I heard it was a small nest but there should have been at least one demon guarding the place." Gunn looked around to the upper level which lead to the control room.

Connor followed his gaze and then moved to stand closer, something was wrong. "I don't like this." Gunn said, echoing Connor's thoughts. Gunn turned to face the young man, his face hardened. "You don't think this is a set up?" Connor froze at his words before slowly picking them apart. Had he just accused him of something? But he wasn't even originally supposed to go with Gunn.

A noise startled the two, bringing their attention back to area where they had just stared. A man stood instead where previously there hadn't been anyone. He held a Gunn and was aiming it at Connor. "I've got two of people down here." The man called. "Neither is Angel." Connor sucked in air, beginning to curse himself. He had smelled human earlier, however didn't assume they were from anything else but prey from the demons.

"Steven?" The voice was instantly familiar as the name that he no longer cared to ever hear again. Gunn brought moved his hands so that his ax was ready to strike while Connor dropped his sword. Seeing Holtz again, calling his name as thought there wasn't a problem in the world made his whole world disappear. Nothing existed anymore aside from him and Holtz, the man that had both raised him and ruined him. Gunn and the man holding aiming his weapon had all disappeared.

Numbly, Connor walked toward Holtz in a daze, his legs moving him closer while his mind remained as quiet as the machines that surrounded them. "Stop!" The man yelled, re aiming his weapon. Barely hearing the threat, Connor moved toward his surrogate father. A bullet whizzed inches past his foot. It went unnoticed. Holtz held a hand up to the man. "Not yet."

Standing in front of the older man, Connor stared at him as though seeing him for the first time. From some reason he looked different. At first he thought it had to do with the initial shock of seeing him and thought it would ware off. When it didn't he tried to study how his mind came to the conclusion that he somehow appeared different.

His height, Connor had always felt shorter but standing closer to Holtz he realized he wasn't as tall as he remembered. Strange given he was certain he had stopped growing, he had put on a few extra pounds from how his feeding habits had grown consistent, no longer depending on what he could catch and instead on what Angel fed him. He also didn't seem as strong. Instead of seeing the strong demon hunter from his time as a child he observed an old man.

"Did you really think you could get away from me? Just start your life again without me? What a cruel blow to the man that spent his life raising you. I gave up everything to be your father. Do you know how many times I saved your life? You could never hope to repay me for all I've done for you." Connor felt nothing while Holtz belittled and berated him. No anger or fear as he felt himself take on the familiar roll of a punching bag. Like the one in Angel's basement that he had trained with. Taking all the hits while remaining standing.

The words caught in his throat, he swallowed in an attempt to dislodge them. All of the times he had imagined their reunion and it was going exactly as he had imagined it would. No mention of how he had nearly died at the bottom of the ocean with his real father. The betrayal of the man who never had the chance to raise him into a man, thanks to all that Holtz had done for him.

"It would be easy to hate you for all of the horrible things you put me through. There are so many that either I can't name or recall them all. But I won't because if there is one thing I have learned from my real Father it's that I am not a monster. Not like you." It felt good to say what he wanted to, even though Holtz looked as though he didn't care. Almost as though a weight had been lifted that he hadn't been aware he was carrying.

Finally Holtz smiled. "I'm glad things worked out this way. Originally I was supposed to capture Angel and kill whomever he was with. Then with the others I sent to the hotel, have them kill all except you so that Angel could watch me kill you. Now I've decided to just get it all done right now. Why waste another moment?"

Holtz stepped past Connor and picked up the sword he once held. He examined it for a moment before returning to the young man he had once called son. Gunn ran toward Holtz, dropping his ax to help him run faster. He was close enough to tackle him when a bullet pierced his thigh. He fell to the ground in pain and watched as Holtz drew closer. Connor still didn't move.

"Run!" Gunn yelled. Connor remained as silent and still as a statue. "I wanted someone else to kill you so that I could be mad at them and not at myself. I guess it doesn't matter now that this is how things will end." Holtz agreed. "I'm going to do what I should have done when you were a baby." Placing one hand on Connor's shoulder he thrust the sword into his stomach. The pain was intense as the blade cut through his flesh, drawing blood.

Connor dropped to one knee as his vision began to blur. Nothing however was going to stop him from completing what he had set out to do. Reaching into his shoe he brought out the small blade that Angel had handed him and jammed it into Holtz's neck. The older man for once looked shocked as Connor pulled the blade out, spraying himself with blood.

Placing one hand on Holtz's chest, Connor pushed him with the last of his strength. The blade slowly coming out of his stomach as he did so. Without anything to lean against he fell over into a pool of his blood. The last thing Connor saw before losing conciseness was Gunn, looking horrified while he held his own wound.

Inside of his mind, Connor had created a small beach where he sat cross legged. Left and Right sat most of their upper bodies in his lap while the rest of them coiled around his waist. Even in his young adult form the two creatures appeared larger than him. "Why?" They asked. "When I realized that I couldn't let anyone else kill Holtz but me I knew that I had to do it. At the same time I couldn't get close enough to him without getting stabbed." "We understand." Left said, rubbing his head against Connor's hand. Right bit Connor's other hand. "It doesn't mean we agree but we understand."

Connor rolled over and examined his hand where Right had bitten. He wasn't surprised that there wasn't a mark. Only that he was inside of Angel's bed, the covers pulled up to his chest. Connor pulled the covers down and examined his clothing. Both his top and bottoms where a dark shade of blue. He pulled the shirt up to examine his wound, it was still bandaged. He was curious to examine the wound but stopped when he noticed Angel sitting in a chair beside the door.

Angel leaned forward his arms crossed, he looked tired Connor pulled his feet from the sheets and placed them on the ground. The moment he took his weight off the bed and transferred it to the ground, he fell forward from the pain that shot through his body. He coiled himself into a ball, trying to lessen the pain as it spread. Not working he focused on his breathing. The door opened and Gunn walked in, he didn't look at Angel. Gunn noticed him immediately and hooked his arm around Connor's upper half to avoid his wound. He then placed Connor on the bed so that he laid on his back.

Connor rolled onto his side so he could get a better look at Gunn. He took in how tired he seemed and wondered how long he had been out cold. It didn't feel like long. "How long have I been asleep?" Gun sat down beside Connor. "Three days. Angel hasn't left your side except to take a shower. Only after Cordelia threatened to throw a bucket of soapy water on him." Connor chuckled, only to regret it as a wave of nausea hit him.

He coiled himself further into a ball and looked at Gunn to continue. "Cordelia is taking a nap in another room with Fred. Both of them have been staying on and off with Angel. They've also helped to change your bandages. And my leg is healing nicely. "What happened?" Connor asked. "After you two stabbed each other, I crawled over and tried to keep your insides, inside. Caught glimpse of what looked like a centipede before most of the hole closed up. After that I used my shirt to try and stop some of the bleeding."

"Angel showed up after, I don't know how long with Cordelia and Fred. You'll have to ask them what happened next, I passed out after I saw the three of them. Not that I don't know what happened, they just tell it better." Connor nodded, some of his pain subsiding "I was going to wake Angel before I fell over. Maybe scare him." "I'll do it. What were you going to do." "At first I was just going to poke him but since I fell over and it didn't wake him up. I want to tip the chair forward. See if he lands on his feet."

Gun nodded and moved over to Angel. Placing his hand on the top rail he carefully leaned it forward until Angel's head snapped up. Arms flailing, Angel managed to catch himself on his knees at the last minute, leaving the chair to fall on him. Connor laughed as hard as his body would allow with his wound. "You're awake." Angel moved toward his laughing son. "So are you." Connor's tone became accusatory. "I fell over and you were too busy sleeping to notice. Gunn had to help me back into bed."

Angel looked crestfallen. "You are going to have to buy me ice cream whenever I want to make up for my pain and suffering." His face change, Angel smiled at the young man. "I'm glad to see your feeling better, Connor." He nodded and yawned. "I'd move over but it takes too much energy so you can just hand me a pillow and I'll sleep right here." He patted the area around his head for emphasis.

Angel leaned over Connor and carefully picked him up as to not irritate his wound. He then placed his son in the position he spent the most time in. With his head back on the pillow, Angel moved the sheet and covers back, covering Connor. He looked at Gun who was heading for the door. "Going to bed." He explained. Connor smiled as Angel got into bed, looping his arm in a familiar position, drawing him close. "Dad?" Connor asked. "Yeah." "I'm serious about the ice cream." "I know."


	13. Final author's note

I've been meaning to write an author's note for a while now since the final chapter but after I've finally gotten a job, I've been busy. I would first like to thank all those that took the time to review this story. It's been an exciting process to write this, made all the better by reviews that people have left. I feel as though there is a chance that it ended too abruptly with Connor not having a chance to bond with either Gunn or Fred so I will mention that I have a sequel planned which I think will solve everything. Right now it's just a rough draft with no clear direction. But I will give an idea of what it's about since it's only fair; The whole evil Cordelia thing did end up happening with the exception of her giving birth to that evil chick with Connor. She and him have more of a parent child relationship so that is completely gross. I won't go into further detail or this whole page will be filled be the word gross and disgusting. Fred and Gunn have taken Connor to Texas to stay with her parents and Angel is finding himself. Lorne still isn't going to make an appearance since I really don't like him. I just find him annoying so as the author I have killed him off without actually killing him off. Sent him to area 51 or something. I don't know when I'll start writing this sequel which will be called below the water. Yes I do love things that match. I had planned or writing an Elfen lied and then a rise of the Guardians before the sequel but since I haven't quite been in the mood as of lately I don't know when that will happen. All in due time I suppose. -Solitaire.


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